You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
