like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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