And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
