I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
