Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
