My hand turned me down
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
