i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
