Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize