a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's Friday. Sex?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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