After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
