I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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