So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
