your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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