he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
