I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
