i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize