I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
