I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
