my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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