In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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