Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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