even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
