PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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