do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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