maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
