you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
