Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
