I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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