Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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