he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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