For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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