I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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