I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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