why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
