i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
