they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
