also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
