Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
