No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this boner is exhausting
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
