burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize