I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize