So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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