I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize