you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
