idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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