I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
