I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
