Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We are two peas in an std pod
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
