can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize