it's like russian roulette but with a penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
