I need help removing her.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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