She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
