In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize