i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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