I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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