cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize