Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
