we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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