i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
