hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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