Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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