I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize