I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
