hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
