The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
