dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize