i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
