I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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