some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize