i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize