Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
