his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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