Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
