And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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