peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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